In This Life [Cole!]

[JACINTO RAFAEL del RIO]

IF I WANNA PACK UP AND RUN AWAY IT'S MY BUSINESS IF I FEEL I NEED TO SMOKE AND
DRINK AND SWAY IT'S MY PROBLEM IF I FEEL THE NEED TO HIDE

Jace hated this floor. He hated thinking of all of the investigations that happened here, how many people were held against their will, and how he'd been on the other end of one of these tables once or twice himself - but those were memories saved for another time, late at night when he couldn't find anything else to think about so he revisited the things he couldn't, wouldn't, in the day time, his mind wandering over lines that had been traced a thousand torturous times before then. He was standing guard while another man was inside interrogating someone that had been witnessed stealing, more than once, from Fordham's storage warehouses. He was the one that made sure that no one that wasn't supposed to be up here, stayed away. Simple as pi. He hated the dark jeans and black top he had to wear just to stand in front of a door. Fordham said that black makes people look more intimidating, but he was sure that they were all full of it. However, one didn't argue with the higher ups if one wanted to live. And he actually had a good thing going for him right now, so he wouldn't be getting himself murdered for disobeying orders anytime soon.

Jace was glad that the rooms were soundproof. Sometimes, things happened in them that he didn't want to know. That others wouldn't want to know, either. Most of the people that went into these rooms didn't come out of the building alive, and the ones that did were scared so stiff that sometimes, being dead would've been more merciful. Fordham didn't play around, especially when it came to the possessions it was responsible for, the property and things that it got to sell to someone else. Fordham was a jack of all trades operation, and sometimes, he was glad that he was only a spy, and that he sometimes had to do wild things, instead of the people that went out on one op and then never returned. Sometimes, he thought he was lucky. Sometimes, he thought he was lucky to return to his bed at night and text Dmitri with a heart that he knew the other man loved, even if his best friend - Callen - would tease the crap out of him if he knew, so he never said anything because even when they were alone, they were never really alone.

He shook his head clear as the agent that had been in the room came out, wiping bloody hands on a cloth. The elder man winked at Jace, grinning in a way that made Jace's hair stand on end. His stomach flipped as the other man went off down the hallway to the elevator. Sometimes, he also got scared of the complete and utter psychos that worked for Fordham. After all, how could someone explain turning into that? Was there a certain point of insanity that you hit at a certain age, after working in such a business and doing so many horrible things? If so, then he obviously wasn't in the right field. The person that came to switch off with him was coming down the hall, from the same direction that the other man had left. He shook hands with him and left his post as the other man assumed the same position that he'd held - arms clasped together, rigid and upright posture, and a rather blank expression that was more intimidating than any of their faces at rest. He held in a snort. They were all clones, he felt like. Clones that were bred to carry out a purpose, that they just didn't know existed until later in their lives. Then again, that could just be him being bitter. He took off down the hall in the opposite direction, turning the corner when he spotted a young girl with long blonde hair. He raised an eyebrow, stopping her. "Are you supposed to be up here?"

T A G G E D ? ! cole!
W O R D C O U N T ? ! six seventy six, that'll be longer next post xD
M U S E ? ! i ... the time of this post legit explains everything in a way words can't
N O T E S ? ! hopefully this is enough of a post that you can work with~
C R E D I T ? ! graphic credit goes to `MRS. BARNEY STINSON of caution two point oh. lyric credit goes to marina and the diamonds with the song are you satisfied?

[SUNSHINE COLE IRIS]

Cole had only recently arrived at Fordham after being indoctrinated in what would now be expected of her. The young teen hadn't yet made up her mind exactly how she felt about all of this. Then again, she wasn't sure her opinion mattered much either. Maybe it was best to stay indifferent, but she doubted she'd be able to keep from forming some sort of opinion on the place for long.

Everything here was different. Not that change was necessarily a bad thing -- especially when you were coming from a life like Cole had been leading -- but it could be a dangerous thing, as far as she was concerned. The group home had been crowded and noisy, full of anger and bullies and far too many children. But she'd known it well. She'd learned her way around, learned how to navigate the social structure, how to keep herself from ending up making the wrong sort of enemies, how to fly under the radar when she wanted to and get attention when that suited her instead. Here, she wasn't yet sure of much of anything, and considering the stakes, that seemed very dangerous.

So when she was left to her own devices after a meeting with her... she wasn't even sure the right term to use. These weren't caseworkers like she was used to. Her handler? At any rate, following a meeting with this individual, she'd been left to occupy herself for a little while. No one had told her where to go, so she opted to stay at the office building. It was time for her to get to know this place better. Always know what they're thinking. It had been a rule she'd tried to live by even when she was just another foster kid kicking around in the system. Now it seemed more important than ever.

She wasn't really looking for trouble. In fact, she was doing her best to be invisible. But people here were far more attentive and observant than she was used to. Even keeping on her toes, she knew she had to tread lightly. She resisted the urge to do more than simply peek into the offices that she passed if the door had been left ajar. Back in the group home, she wouldn't have hesitated to duck into those that had been left unlocked and unoccupied, but here... Well, she needed to know more before she could be sure whether it would get her a reprimand or, like, killed or something.

Deeper and deeper into the labyrinth of offices, meeting rooms and corridors she went. She was beginning to get the feeling she'd somehow slipped past an unmarked barrier between where she was allowed to be and the off-limits area. But no one had told her outright not to explore, so she pressed her advantage, figuring it might be her only chance.

It was quieter here, and seemed almost empty. So it took Cole by some surprise when an older guy suddenly rounded the corner and happened upon her before she had the chance to hide herself. Then again, there wasn't really anywhere to hide, she realized, as she looked quickly around, quite ready to duck into an open room if one presented itself to her.

There was a moment's hesitation where she considered turning tail and running back the way she'd come, hoping maybe he wouldn't be bothered to chase her, or perhaps even that she could outrun him just long enough to find herself a place to hide. But then in that moment of hesitation, it became too late to do anything but resign herself to her fate.

Her features carefully arranged to something neutral, she looked up at the guy with wide, innocent eyes, and gave her shoulders a shrug, a common standby when she was asked a question she didn't want to answer but couldn't get away with ignoring completely. And in this case, it wasn't entirely a lie either. She had a pretty good idea she wasn't supposed to be here, but she couldn't know that for sure since no one had specifically said to her otherwise.

Normally, she'd have just left it at the shrug, hoping that her questioner might twist in the wind without more to go on. But this place didn't play by the usual rules, she had to remind herself. She had to be careful here, and avoid pissing anyone off. "Is it off-limits?" she asked in what she hoped sounded like an innocent tone. She didn't come right out and admit she was new, but she figured that would be pretty obvious from the question and the fact she hadn't been seen around before.

[JACINTO RAFAEL del RIO]

IF I WANNA PACK UP AND RUN AWAY IT'S MY BUSINESS IF I FEEL I NEED TO SMOKE AND
DRINK AND SWAY IT'S MY PROBLEM IF I FEEL THE NEED TO HIDE

Jace barely remembered what it felt like to be a starter in Fordham. He didn't remember his life before it, really. He'd been too young. Sometimes he got nauseous, at the thought of being trained that young and learning so much when he was barely four feet tall. He didn't like thinking about it at all, really. He'd been asked more than once by higher ups, given a choice whether he wanted to work in the field or work with the younger kids, training them in what to expect for when they got older. When you were a Fordham agent, it was a lifetime commitment. You either worked for them, you died in an op, or you were killed after leaving, searched out like a loose thread on a sweater sleeve and cut like a split end. That's why leaving this life wasn't a thought. His life before it, whatever that had been like, wasn't a thought. And people like his parents, were never, ever a thought. He didn't try thinking and dreaming about things that wouldn't happen, like things in the past. He kept moving forward because eventually, when you got to his age, you realized that running backwards didn't get you anywhere but stuck. And he couldn't even say he came to that realization on his own, either - more like he got it from his boyfriend, who was definitely more than ten times smarter than he was.

He'd never explored. He'd never found the need to, really. He'd never been the type to go and get into trouble because of his curiosity. He didn't have that much of a curiosity for things, really. Everything happened in time for him, and patience had never been a problem. He had a little bit too much of that, really. He'd never wanted to know what the parts of the Fordham buildings he'd never been into looked like. Some of the rooms, he didn't want to know what they looked like, because you only went there if you were in trouble, if you'd done something wrong, if you belonged to Fordham as a prisoner, or the spoils of a mission gone wrong. He didn't want to think about any of that, really, and the things that he didn't want to think about, he pretended like they didn't exist. It was the easiest way to survive in a world like this, in times like this, really. You painted this world in your mind, a world that you wished you lived in or that you wanted to be in someday in the future, and you worked towards it even though it would probably never happen. He'd never been uncomplicated, even though he liked to think he had at one point, and so his way of fixing complicated problems was just as complicated as the problems themselves. It didn't make any sense to anyone but him, and he kind of preferred it that way. Well, now there was someone to understand him, but it wasn't as if he was letting his boyfriend that close, now. Not without putting him in danger, at least, and he could never do that to Dmitri.

He raised an eyebrow at the tiny blonde. Did she really think that he'd believe that? "You really think that I'm going to believe that you're innocent? You're an agent, no agent's innocent." He said, knowing that much was true, no matter what age they were. "You're one of the new batch, I'm guessing?" he asked her. When she asked if it was off limits, he nodded. "To you, yes. You have to have permission to be up here. But you? Never want to be up here." He said in a solid tone. "What's your name, kid? Why don't I take you over to the apartments, okay? That's where you live, right?" He asked. He didn't want to scare her or anything, but - who was he kidding? This kid probably knew a lot more than he was giving her credit for. She might be new to Fordham but that didn't mean that she wouldn't know things. Maybe she'd been a street rat for most of her life, or maybe she'd been passed around from family to family, house to house for the past however-many-years she could remember. He didn't know what to expect with these kids, because they all had some sick, twisted, sad story. He didn't really know how to deal with kids either, but he supposed she didn't really want to be treated like a kid. Didn't they all want to be treated like adults? Mentally, most of them weren't children - forced to grow up too quickly, saw too much at too young of an age, and everything that went along with it. He took a deep breath, and waited on the girl to speak.

T A G G E D ? ! cole!
W O R D C O U N T ? ! eight fifty
M U S E ? ! he's here and kicking~
N O T E S ? ! none, really~
C R E D I T ? ! graphic credit goes to `MRS. BARNEY STINSON of caution two point oh. lyric credit goes to marina and the diamonds with the song are you satisfied?

[SUNSHINE COLE IRIS]

It wasn't just simple childhood curiosity that drove Cole to explore -- although she couldn't really deny that was at least part of it. But moreover, it was about survival. She'd been yanked around so much in her life and no one ever gave her satisfactory answers, even long before she entered this shadowy organization. She wanted to know about the files they kept on her, about the notes her shrinks jotted down during their (largely silent) sessions, about the comments her foster parents had given when they'd shunted her back to the group home again... Not that she was looking to change these things that others saw as shortcomings, but still, you had to know how the enemy thought if you wanted to outsmart them.

Not that she was ready to paint Fordham as 'the enemy' just yet, but from the moment she'd arrived, she'd felt that same drive to begin accumulating whatever knowledge she could. The stakes were higher, of course, but if anything, that made it seem so much more important to know the lay of the land. And time was of the essence, since she wouldn't be able to play the 'confused newcomer' card for long.

But as she was discovering, not only were the stakes higher, but so were the barriers to entry. People here didn't tend to leave files lying around carelessly or forget to lock doors that should be locked. Still, that wasn't going to stop her from at least trying... And wandering, even into nigh-abandoned areas like this one, was at least one avenue still left open to her. At least until someone caught on and made it clear where she was and wasn't allowed to go.

But even as the guy -- a guard she assumed -- called her on her lack of innocence, Cole couldn't help but grin a little, almost in spite of herself. He didn't seem particularly mad, and it was almost funny to think of how innocent she wasn't... Sure, it was also a bit frightening to think that she wouldn't be able to fall back on the waif act that she'd perfected over the years, at least not while she was within Fordham's walls, but for some reason, in this moment, the thought struck her more as humous than upsetting.

It was a strange reaction, perhaps, but then, she'd always fancied herself a strange girl.

Cole didn't bother answering his rhetorical question about her innocence, especially since he'd already pointed out how agents couldn't be innocent. But she did at least offer a nod of confirmation as to her being part of the newly acquired group. She hated being new, but she'd use it to her advantage as much as she could, since it was already such a handicap.

Cool blue eyes quickly scanned the immediate area, before Cole looked back to him and nodded again, to show that she understood about it being off-limits. A shame that, really, but she couldn't see any way around it. His words of warning only made her more curious about it, but she knew better than to ask too many questions and let that interest show. "All right," she said simply, instead.

"I'm Cole," she offered, when asked for a name. She wasn't ever in the habit of introducing herself as Sunshine. She hated that name. It reminded her of what an effing flake her mother had been. Thinking Sunshine was a pretty name, when everyone knew it was a stupid one. In a place like this, she knew it was futile trying to keep her name a secret, but that didn't mean she had to make it easy for them to tease her either. "And I'm not really a kid. Not any more than I'm innocent," she went on seriously, confirming his hunch that she didn't want to be treated like a child.

Still, she didn't immediately balk at the idea of him walking her back to her new home. Rather, she canted her head to one side and considered him thoughtfully, before nodding her assent. "All right. But only if you give me your name too." That seemed fair. Not that people generally cared about fairness these days, but this was a small enough trade off, she figured it would probably be fruitful.

[JACINTO RAFAEL del RIO]

IF I WANNA PACK UP AND RUN AWAY IT'S MY BUSINESS IF I FEEL I NEED TO SMOKE AND
DRINK AND SWAY IT'S MY PROBLEM IF I FEEL THE NEED TO HIDE

Jace had never gotten satisfactory answers throughout his life. Any information he'd gotten, he'd fought for and earned, or found on his own. Things weren't easy in Fordham. He didn't imagine that things were easy in the CIA, either, but the CIA was the law. They had people regulating them, for the most part, and there was some semblance of control over there. There were rules, no matter how badly they were ignored, they were still there, and at some point, they had to be followed, or else the CIA would be dealing with a lot of hell on their hands, from more than Fordham and those targeting the CIA. With Fordham, they were illegal in the first place. They did whatever they wanted. They used whoever they wanted. They used whoever they wanted in whatever way they wanted. If you returned, good on you. If you didn't, oh well. Someone would step up and fill your shoes, simple as that. He thought of it in the way that the British battle formations that they'd learned about in school. They marched in rows, lines, so that if a man went down, another one would step right in, so that they didn't break their formation. It was sort of like that, as disgusting and inhumane as it sounded. But that's what it was, really - disgusting and inhumane. They were like pigs to the slaughter. That didn't change anything, however. In fact, it gave people the incentive to try and keep themselves alive. It kicked up their self preservation and the instincts that went along with it. After all, no one was going to try and keep you alive but yourself, here. It was every man for themselves, unless you made alliances, and found people that you really knew you could trust. Or found people you could use. Either way, really.

The way she'd grinned had almost sent a shiver down his spine. He'd managed to catch it before it had affected him. The children that Fordham brought in were by no means angels, but some of them scared him. Some of them, he could see becoming criminal masterminds. There were some of them in Fordham that were like him - that didn't want to be there, but that didn't have a choice, and not only had loved ones that they didn't want to put in danger, but also didn't want to lose their own lives in trying to leave the agency or escape. Betraying Fordham wasn't even an option, really. He didn't know if anyone was stupid or crazy enough to try and pull something off like that, really. They either had to be certifiable, or they knew they didn't have anything to lose. He looked at the blonde, and he wondered which one she'd be. There was a point that some of them hit that insured no return. They'd work for the agency, be a loyal little soldier, maybe become a higher ranked official, and then die at some point, but they still would've been loyal, and their death would eventually be forgotten. All deaths were forgotten here. It was sickening. Even Jace lost track after awhile, of the faces that he no longer saw, or the names that were no longer brought up in conversation. Then there were some of them that held so resolutely to the fact that maybe they could be happy, maybe they could find a way out someday, that they didn't turn, and they didn't change. Maybe they were a bit miserable, a bit depressed, but could anyone be left unaffected when they were doing such dangerous and dirty at jobs at such young ages? Jace himself was twenty four, and he felt like he'd seen some things that people twice, no, three times his age hadn't seen.

"You can call me Jace," he said easily. He never introduced himself as Jacinto. That wasn't even his name, in his mind. He wondered what his mother had been thinking, really. He knew he was one hundred percent Spanish - Spanish from Spain - and he assumed that one, if not both, of his parents had spoken the language fluently. However - Jacinto? Hyacinth? He was named for a flower. His mother had been involved in a drug cartel, and had been a leak in the CIA for said drug cartel. How could a woman that had died a criminal, that had done such terrible things in her life time, that hadn't been on the good side of things at all - name her only son after a flower? It didn't make any sense to him. He was glad, though, that he hadn't gotten named anything crazier, and Jacinto had been shortened to Jace. He didn't even acknowledge his full name, really. In a line of work like his, you didn't often give out your full name, or even give out your real first name, nicknames or shortenings included. "That good enough for you? We should head to the elevators in any case, we don't want anyone catching you up here. You don't want to get in trouble so early in your career. Being labelled a trouble maker doesn't help you. More like it turns you into an outcast, and gets you watched like a hawk," he said, his thoughts turning briefly to James. He looked down at the blonde - Cole - and raised an eyebrow, waiting for her to speak.

T A G G E D ? ! cole!
W O R D C O U N T ? ! nine thirty two
M U S E ? ! jace just up and decided he wanted to cooperate, kay then
N O T E S ? ! so so so sorry for the long wait!
C R E D I T ? ! graphic credit goes to `MRS. BARNEY STINSON of caution two point oh. lyric credit goes to marina and the diamonds with the song are you satisfied?

[SUNSHINE COLE IRIS]

Cole liked to think of herself as smart. Not just in school but also when it came to knowing which way the wind was blowing. In her short life, it had proven way more important to be street-smart -- life-smart, even -- than to get good grades and stay on the honour roll. She knew she could do well enough at school when she bothered, but no one was going to care if she got a gold star in geography. No one ever had, no one ever would. Even her former teachers, the low-paid grunts working in the poorer areas of the city, hadn't seemed to care too much so long as she didn't get in the way.

At any rate, even if her grades were spotty at best, she was smart enough to have already figured out the basics of this place. It wasn't all that hard to tell how little anyone cared here either, not just about her grades, but about her continued existence in general. If anything, that just made her more resolute to learn all she could about this place. She doubted blackmail material would get her far, since no officials would ever take the world of a troubled foster kid, and even then, she'd have to survive long enough to get word to the outside world. But at least if she knew things, she'd have a better idea how to protect herself, and how to get ahead. She wasn't sure she wasn't to be here, and she certainly hadn't chosen this path, but if there was any chance of moving above the foot-soldier rank eventually, or at least some chance of making her life more valuable to the bosses than the next kid's, she was determined to figure it out.

Was she a budding sociopath? Honestly, even Cole herself had no idea. She didn't feel much anymore, but that, to her, just seemed smart. Turning off her emotions was simply necessary if she wanted to get through all this. The way she saw it, her heart was like any part of her -- if it got injured over and over, eventually the scar tissues and nerve damage would make it stop hurting... but she wouldn't be able to feel much of anything either. That seemed an acceptable trade off, considering.

She was already a pretty damaged kid, but then, weren't they all? It seemed unlikely that Fordham would bring out the best in anyone, let alone a bunch of messed up children. But in a way, she was glad at least to have some promise of a purpose now. Her life before had seemed utterly without meaning. She didn't exactly relish what lay before her, but at least it was something, at least it meant not turning into her drug addict mother, numbing the pain and eventually killing herself needlessly. Maybe it wouldn't be so bad, she hoped. But then, how could she hope if she didn't have feelings? Sometimes these things were really confusing for a thirteen year old.

"Jace," she replied, looking up at the young man with a thoughtful expression, weighing the name, trying it out, and then nodding as though in approval. That worked. Whether or not it was his real name was sort of irrelevant, the same as she never bothered telling people about the 'Sunshine' part of hers. Why should a name someone else picked be more real than the one you'd chosen for yourself?

She nodded again, to confirm that the name was good enough for her, and then turned rather gracefully on her heel, her hair spinning up slightly, so that she could head back towards the elevator, assuming he would join her but not waiting on him to lead the way. "I'm not looking for trouble," she assured him honestly. She just hadn't been especially trying to avoid it either. "It seems to find me."

Craning her neck, she looked back over at him over her shoulder, considering him again. "Thank you, I guess, for not... busting me." It didn't hurt to be gracious, she figured, since Jace could have been more of a prick about catching her up here. "You've been here a long time?" It was an educated guess, considering his age. Maybe he'd just joined as an adult, but the way with which he spoke of things around here gave her the impression he'd put in more than his share of field hours.

[JACINTO RAFAEL del RIO]

IF I WANNA PACK UP AND RUN AWAY IT'S MY BUSINESS IF I FEEL I NEED TO SMOKE AND
DRINK AND SWAY IT'S MY PROBLEM IF I FEEL THE NEED TO HIDE

Jace would easily admit that he wasn't smart. Not book smart, anyway. He didn't have the brain for it. He didn't try too hard when he'd been in school, but that didn't mean he would've been able to understand things better. He'd dropped out of high school, and that was probably one of the smartest decisions he'd ever made. He'd been wasting his time, really, and he hadn't been getting anywhere. Not only that, but he hated feeling stupid. He hated being put on the spot, and not knowing something. He hated getting zeroes and f's on things, and he hated how it made him feel like he was worth nothing while Fordham did the same thing on the other end of his life. It hadn't been meant to be, and so he'd ended it. Now, thinking back, deep down he wished he'd finished school. Gotten his high school diploma, at least. But he didn't think about it. Instead, he thought of how he was pretty street smart, if he could say so himself. He'd learned everything the hard way, but at least he knew how to make it, day by day. There was a lot he'd never know, but he was okay with that, as long as he managed to use what he did know to survive the roller coaster he called a life.

Jace would also readily admit that he was emotionless. Sort-of. He thought of himself as not having them, when really, that wasn't the case. He felt too much, couldn't deal with it, and so he shoved it all away. Sub-consciously, of course, but maybe that made it even worse. He didn't want to think about the way he felt, or how his emotions were usually out of whack and didn't go with the way his brain thought things out or wanted to act. They got in the way. He didn't like how he couldn't control them. He didn't like how the things he felt were so intense sometimes that he felt like he couldn't function. Crippling depression some mornings, stomach churning guilt after ops, mushy-gushy fluffy soft things when he was around Dmitri. It all made him just a bit too human, and being human meant he made mistakes, big ones, and he couldn't handle that. It was a bit sociopathic, just to shove everything down and pretend like it didn't exist, that it didn't happen, but that didn't mean that he stopped. He was a Fordham agent - by definition, he did what was wrong all the time, for a living. Why stop at something so small and [not] simple?

Jace had given her a version of his real name, the one that he used, and the one that he thought of as his name, and that was good enough for him. He wouldn't lie to her because maybe being honest with the kid would get him somewhere. He knew he'd hated it when he'd been lied to as a kid, and applied that here. How different could she be? Weren't all kids sort of the same? Or something like that. Jace didn't know. He had no experience with kids, he didn't know anything about them or what to do with them, and he didn't really remember being a kid if he'd ever been one in anything but age. It was then that he shifted slightly - he was kind of old, wasn't he? At least ten years older than the girl in front of him. That ... was anything but comforting. He shoved the thought out of his head. Calling himself old wasn't something he was ever going to do, because ... because. Jace nodded and walked next to her when she said that trouble just seemed to find her. "Trouble just seems to find me, too," he muttered. When she thanked him, he shrugged. "I'm not the type." That much was true. When she asked him how long he'd been there, he contemplated giving an actual number or just confirming that, yes, he'd been there for a long time. Long didn't cover it, really. Eons, it felt like. "Nineteen years, give or take a few months." He held back a wince. Now he really did seem old.

T A G G E D ? ! cole!
W O R D C O U N T ? ! seven forty seven
M U S E ? ! anywhere but here
N O T E S ? ! getting jace to work takes longer than it should, hmph
C R E D I T ? ! graphic credit goes to `MRS. BARNEY STINSON of caution two point oh. lyric credit goes to marina and the diamonds with the song are you satisfied?

[SUNSHINE COLE IRIS]

Obviously anyone who got here had to be smart enough to come to Fordham's attention. And anyone still here had to be smart enough to survive. Cole was doing her best not to underestimate her new peers and superiors. It was easy, sometimes, to slip back into thinking of this place like a group home -- it was filled with the same troubled kids and teens, the same indifferent adults -- but it wasn't a group home, and they weren't just foster kids; not anymore.

That meant she was going to have to step up her game. As today's excursion had already proven, she wasn't going to get away with simply wandering into protected areas and pretending she had no idea she was doing anything wrong. It was annoying, but in another way, Cole kind of relished the challenge. People at her last group home had been so dumb, it was hard to take any real satisfaction in outsmarting them. Sure, it was about survival first and foremost, but she'd be lying if she claimed it wasn't also about having fun and proving herself better than those who would put her down.

As for Jace's name, Cole didn't even really consider whether or not he was lying to her about it, or telling some version of the truth, or the whole truth and nothing but the truth. Even though it had been her condition for letting him accompany her, it hadn't really been intended as a test... How much could she learn about him from his name, anyway? It was just a way of putting them on equal footing; she'd told him her name, or some version of it, and now she wanted something by which to call him. Jace worked.

She did, however, looking up at him with some surprise as he admitted that trouble found him too. In her experience seldom did adults admit anything of the sort. Usually she'd just get some comment about how it was her own fault if trouble 'found' her, if the adult bothered to comment at all. The idea that Jace might know only too well how it was to be a trouble magnet -- combined with the fact that he hadn't snitched on her or given her too much grief for sneaking -- caused Cole to give him a second look, hesitantly willing now to see past the fact that he was almost twice her age and therefore shouldn't be trusted.

"Trouble is like that," she agreed with a nod. "It seems to stick to some people more than others. People who don't know never seem to believe it though." These days, she usually didn't even bother to explain how whatever new trouble couldn't possibly be her fault. Instead she'd lie if she could think of a good one, or simply stay quiet and accept her punishment. But trying to explain the truth of it to grown ups was a wasted effort, and nothing got under her skin worse than an adult refusing to believe her when she was telling the truth.

She didn't even bother to hide her surprise when he explained how long he had been here. Nineteen years. The idea was almost unfathomable to Cole, who had only thirteen years of life, and couldn't even remember the first few of those. "Oh," she replied, taking it in, trying to imagine what it would be like to stay here for another nineteen years. She'd be positively ancient by then. "That's a really long time."

Yes, in her eyes, he was old. But she had to give him some grudging respect for having survived all that time here. She knew that couldn't have been easy. And she wasn't so bad at estimating the ages of adults to miss the fact that he must have started when he was much younger than her. "So, how bad are you messed up?" She saw no point in being tactful, and she really wanted to know what sort of future she had to look forward to. Whether or not he would openly tell her remained to be seen.

[JACINTO RAFAEL del RIO]

IF I WANNA PACK UP AND RUN AWAY IT'S MY BUSINESS IF I FEEL I NEED TO SMOKE AND
DRINK AND SWAY IT'S MY PROBLEM IF I FEEL THE NEED TO HIDE

Jace wasn't smart enough to outsmart people. He got by doing what he was told, and that was it. Fordham appreciated foot soldiers. They didn't like to be challenged, and they didn't like anyone that thought that being smart was a good thing. Everyone was smart in their own way. Everyone had their own role. That was what Jace had learned over the years. Everyone picked up the little tips and tricks to survival when they were in organizations like these. You had to, if you wanted to live. He'd made his fair share of mistakes when he'd been younger. He thought he could be different. He thought he could get away. That had failed. Everything had failed. His attempts at "happiness" had failed. Now that was a word he associated with a someone, not a place, not where he was, or who he was, even. He stayed where he was to stay alive. He used the knowledge he gained to continue to do what he needed to do to keep his life. He didn't want to become useless, and then become a loose end. He knew quite a few people that had started in his group, and there were very few of them left. That was how things worked, really. They came in as kids, and then died as teenagers. He was twenty four years old. He was kind of like a veteran, someone that was amazing, to the teen division. It was kind of sickening, knowing he'd been in Fordham for so long. Maybe that was why he never thought about it so much - he hated the feeling of his stomach churning within him.

Jace nodded. Smart kid. Then again, Fordham didn't recruit anyone that didn't have some level of capability. He felt sort-of nauseous at the thought. The thought of this girl in the field, it sort of made his stomach flip and flop over and over again. He knew another reason that he didn't go around the kids now - he couldn't handle the thought that some of them would turn out like him, that some of them would be like him, lost and trying to figure things out and thinking they had hope when they didn't have anything of the sort. And then there would be those like James, but he didn't want to think about any of those, either. He wondered if there was a specific type, the norm for children and teen spies, and then he brushed the thought off. Humans were all individual. There could be no norm, because they were all so different. That was comforting at least, right? That there would be some of them that would be able to function like normal human beings at the end of the day, without having to put a mask on? "True. And the ones that do know how it is try to stay out of harm's way, but it never seems to work." Because Karma was a bigger bitch than Eve.

Jace shrugged when she said that that was a really long time. "Yeah." He said shortly. He didn't know whether he was proud of that fact, or ashamed. He'd stayed alive this long in a dog eat dog world. Didn't that mean that he was just as bad as everyone else around him? Intentions didn't matter, actions did. No matter the fact that he didn't want to do what he had done, he had done it, and he hadn't fought against it, either. It didn't mean that he was any better of a person. But he shoved that from his mind, too, because he didn't want to think about it. Not then, at least. He could wrestle over it when he was trying to sleep tonight, when he had that and every thought in his mind that tried to beat him up in the day slamming into his brain and heart at night. He chuckled dryly, a chuckle that wasn't even a laugh, when she asked him how messed up he was. "Straight to the point kind-of girl, aren't you, Cole?" He asked. "Messed up enough to be worried about it, but not messed up enough to worry about straight jackets and in-patient psychiatric care centers. That a good enough answer for you?"

T A G G E D ? ! cole!
W O R D C O U N T ? ! seven thirty eight
M U S E ? ! in the sky floating on storm clouds
N O T E S ? ! he's so awkward but he's trying not to be xD
C R E D I T ? ! graphic credit goes to `MRS. BARNEY STINSON of caution two point oh. lyric credit goes to marina and the diamonds with the song are you satisfied?

[SUNSHINE COLE IRIS]

The thing was, Cole had always enjoyed outsmarting people. Back in her civilian life, it had been a game, to see how much she could get away with or what she could convince others to do or believe. Here, it had a different meaning, and with luck Cole would come to learn that the easy way instead of the hard way. Still, she was at least smart enough to realize this wasn't just a game anymore, but she couldn't completely give up trying to outsmart those around her. Now it seemed important so that she could learn to survive without having to give up her entire sense of self.

Then again, that was probably exactly what they wanted. Cole Iris didn't belong to herself anymore; she was the property of Fordham. But if she ever came to learn that lesson, it would be hard won, since she didn't exactly like the idea of giving up on herself. Through all those years of an indifferent state system, her own identity had been all she'd had, since all her clothes, toys and personal belongings came and went at the whim of her caregivers. She'd made herself tough and impossible to penetrate, but now she was going to need to learn to be tough in a different way.

"Never," she agreed to his assessment of trouble being impossible to dodge. She grinned faintly, dryly amused by the idea but also glad to find someone who actually understood the way life actually was. "So if trouble won't leave you alone, then you have to learn to deal with it. Right?" She gave her shoulders a little shrug, but her indifference was only really feigned. For all her cynicism she put a high value on survival and was determined to make it through the program alive.

So Jace fascinated her on both a personal and a professional level. If he'd lasted this long, then clearly he might serve as either an example or a warning, depending on how his story had turned out. From what she could tell, he didn't seem completely broken, and even his answer confirmed that. She was glad he hadn't simply insisted that he was fine -- which was usually a sure sign that a person was broken completely beyond repair and either unaware or in denial -- but rather admitted that he was at least a little messed up. Everyone in the world who was more than a few minutes old was at least a little messed up, in Cole's opinion.

"I thought you'd probably just get annoyed if I tried to be sneaky about it," she admitted baldly as he called her on being so to-the-point. "It's all right; I'm a little messed up too." Which meant she could probably only hope to get even more messed up... unless coming in already messed up provided some sort of immunity to getting even worse. "And I wanted to see if you'd get offended," she added with a faint trace of a smirk. Since he'd been honest with her -- at least as far as she could tell -- she could do him the same courtesy in return, at least when it came to this particular matter. Sometimes it was better to just be up front about these things, especially since she didn't think Jace would fall for any coy routines she might have tried on someone else.

And perhaps, on some level, she was hoping to impress him with her nerves of steel and the fact that even his advanced age and standing didn't really intimidate her, even if she did somewhat respect them. Not that she'd ever admit as much, of course.

[JACINTO RAFAEL del RIO]

IF I WANNA PACK UP AND RUN AWAY IT'S MY BUSINESS IF I FEEL I NEED TO SMOKE AND
DRINK AND SWAY IT'S MY PROBLEM IF I FEEL THE NEED TO HIDE

Jace had accepted the fact that he was Fordham's property. He was nothing but Fordham's property, really, no matter what he told himself. He did what they wanted, he tried to stay alive, and he tried not to piss people off. He didn't make true friends, he didn't get close to people, because now he was paranoid. Now, he had more of a reason to be paranoid. He had someone that he cared for, someone that cared for him, that he had to look out for. What had once just been his life, was now someone else's, as well. In that way, Jace had known that he would now have to be more careful than ever. Not that that phased him, not really. He had always been a careful person, now he just had to keep up his standards. He had to make sure that he knew what he was doing with who and when and what that would mean and interfere with. In theory, it sounded like a lot. But not really. Not in his mind, anyway. It was just applying what Fordham had taught him, just within their walls. It had to happen at some point, didn't it? And even in doing so, he still knew that he belonged to Fordham, and that was an unchangeable fact.

"Right. And if you don't, it can cost you your life, so learn fast," he said. He was someone speaking from experience, really. He knew how that was. He'd learned quickly that stirring up a fuss was the wrong way to go about it, instead learning that staying as far off the radar as possible was the safest way to pull off anything. It had taken him until he was twenty to learn this, but he figured that it was better that it was learned at all than to still be trying to figure it out. At twenty four, he knew he still had a lot to learn, but he had come a far way, too. He'd come a long way from the kid that had hatched up escape and runaway plans, the kid that fought at the sight of anything he disapproved of, the kid that was too fussy and emotional for his own good. He was glad he wasn't the same person, because he was sure he wouldn't have survived that way. He'd adjusted, he'd learned how to survive. He did what he had to.

"What's the point in lying?" He said, and realized how ironic that sounded. They were spies. They worked for Fordham. Did they do anything but lie? "I only lie when I have to. Having so many lies to keep up with, eventually one of them will fall apart, and that lie falling apart might end up with a bullet through your skull." He said, unknowingly giving the girl a bit of advice. He didn't think about it, really. Not in that way, at least. He knew that he had quite a bit to offer to the younger generation that Fordham was bringing in, but he hated thinking about it like that. Most of the time, he felt like he had so much more to learn compared to what he already had. He felt like he had accomplished nearly nothing, and that there was nothing to pass along. That was false, all of it was, really. He didn't see that, or think of it like that, however. "If you were picked up by Fordham, I believe it. They don't pick up just anyone. If they know you'll be valuable, they'll want you. It's the only way you get in." He said. "Then again, some fools actually get in on their own, because they want to." He let out a small sigh. He didn't know if those people were desperate, or insane. Maybe an unhealthy mix of both. "I don't get offended easily, nice try," he said, and let out a soft puff of laughter. He had thick enough of a skin to get by, and that meant that almost all odd questions, blunt comments, or insults rolled right off his back. He couldn't let them get to him. Not in this business.

T A G G E D ? ! cole!
W O R D C O U N T ? ! seven twenty
M U S E ? ! iunno he's ... weird rn
N O T E S ? ! i'm amazed that he hasn't panicked because she's a kid by now. a+, jace
C R E D I T ? ! graphic credit goes to `MRS. BARNEY STINSON of caution two point oh. lyric credit goes to marina and the diamonds with the song are you satisfied?

[SUNSHINE COLE IRIS]

Probably this was meant to be one of the major advantages of child spies. Beyond their ability to go unnoticed, children were easier to shape and mould in Fordham's image. Cole, alas, had been forced to grow up early and outside the Fordham system, which meant she was no doubt going to need to be broken down before they could build her back up. And as a girl who had resisted being broken down by a crappy life already, she wasn't going to go without a fight. Still, for all that she talked a good game, she was only thirteen and carried a lot of emotional baggage. After a few missions, after being forced to face the reality of the situation, she'd start to come around. But she'd be damned if she'd ever let them completely erase her former self. She'd sooner die, and that might actually become her only option if she didn't learn to get better at playing along.

Still, she prided herself on being clever. It wouldn't be too hard for her to figure out that she'd get further here by going with the flow than trying to swim against it. Already she'd figured out for herself the importance of making allies of the other agents, and she was doing her best to play nice.

Learn fast. Cole looked up at him sidelong, her pale eyebrows arched ever so slightly. "I'm working on it," she informed him quite seriously. "I'm pretty good at dealing with things." She hesitated and glanced around at these surroundings, and then added: "Nothing quite like this though." It was a a rare flash of vulnerability, and in the next moment, she'd covered it back up with one of her shrugs. "But I'll figure it out." She'd already learned in life that no one was going to come along and kiss her booboos and make things all better. Now she was in even deeper, and that meant getting even tougher, she figured. Still, there was something about Jace that made him a little easier to confide in.

She definitely didn't miss the irony in his rhetorical question about lying, and her faint smirk showed as much. It was kind of funny, really, when she thought about it. What was the point in lying? Sometimes it seemed like all the point in the world. Still, she listened seriously, taking in his unintended advice about the wrong lie falling apart at the wrong time getting her killed. She really wasn't looking to die here, however cynical she seemed. "I'll do my best to keep my lies straight," she replied after a moment. She was pretty practiced at it, but again, the stakes had never been quite this high before.

"I didn't choose this," she went on in a neutral sort of tone. She didn't yet hate it so much that she thought someone was crazy for doing that though. "I didn't even know this existed until some lady showed up and they sent me to talk with her. I thought she was a shrink or something at first." If she had known about it, would she have thought about choosing it for herself? She really wasn't sure. It wasn't the ideal life, but then, it was hard for her to believe, from her limited experience so far, that it could be much worse than her stupid group home. A few missions might have her longing for her old shared bedroom again.

[JACINTO RAFAEL del RIO]

IF I WANNA PACK UP AND RUN AWAY IT'S MY BUSINESS IF I FEEL I NEED TO SMOKE AND
DRINK AND SWAY IT'S MY PROBLEM IF I FEEL THE NEED TO HIDE

Jace didn't have a former self. There were some people that started in Fordham later in life, when they already had their identities and they knew who they were. When you got picked up at such a young age, you formed your identity in Fordham's image. Monkey see, monkey do - wasn't that something that people said all the time? He'd observed people, saw what worked for them, and copied. He'd tried not to become a cold, heartless machine that Fordham could do whatever they wanted with, but that had changed when he realized that the people that fought back didn't get very far, and it was easier to be killed that way. He didn't love life, but he needed to stay alive. His instincts in self-preservation had shown him what to do, basically, and he'd followed. He'd picked up more tricks along the way than he'd ever admit, but then again, most people didn't know how long he'd been in Fordham. No one shared how long they'd been there, really. If you were older, it was taken for granted that you'd been there for a while, and you knew what you were doing. If you were younger, it was usually assumed that you were part of the newer group, and you were still learning the ropes. And then there were the ones like him - in the middle.

"Where were you before this?" He asked, not exactly minding the phrasing. She'd get what he meant. "Do you have any family left behind? Anything of the sort?" He didn't. That didn't mean that everyone was like him, though. He knew that Fordham, for the most part when they did the recruiting, they picked children that would have drive. That meant children that had either had bad lives, or that wanted revenge, something of the sort. He didn't have a family, and so that meant that there was a chance that he would want to get back at the world for taking away his parents. Really, he'd never known them. He didn't have the slightest memory of them, really. He had slight memories of a Fordham agent that had looked after him to make sure that he wasn't thrown into the system, but he didn't think of that person as a parent. He hadn't seen the man that he had referred to in public as a neighbor -or family friend, depending on the circumstances - since he'd joined Fordham. It was easy to avoid attachments when there had never been any roots planted anywhere in the first place. He wondered what she had been through before she'd gotten here. Obviously, everything hadn't been peachy, or Cole wouldn't be able to handle herself as she did now. Everyone had a story. However, he wasn't looking for details. He didn't pry. He didn't have a right.

"I don't have any memories before this." He said. "I was recruited at five. You're lucky to have gotten a few years to yourself. They're recruiting younger and younger, now." He grimaced. He almost felt bad for the kids that didn't know what they were getting into. But that was just how things worked. He was no one special, he couldn't stop it. Then again, maybe it was better to start them off young, not give them any idea that there's anything better. He'd gotten that idea and it had gotten him into trouble. He didn't really know where his beliefs lay with Fordham, and what they did. He wished that intelligence agencies didn't exist at all, really, but that wasn't exactly anywhere near practical.

T A G G E D ? ! cole!
W O R D C O U N T ? ! six fifty
M U S E ? ! somewhere in the galaxy
N O T E S ? ! cole is so straight forward, and jace is about as straight forward as a circle - the comparison is creepy
C R E D I T ? ! graphic credit goes to `MRS. BARNEY STINSON of caution two point oh. lyric credit goes to marina and the diamonds with the song are you satisfied?

[SUNSHINE COLE IRIS]

No doubt Cole would have seen things differently if she'd been at Fordham for more than a few days now. No doubt Fordham would have cast her in their own image, or as much as was possible. Even from a young age, Cole had been too independent and stubborn for her own good, feeling an odd need to push the status quo and challenge people who expected her to just fall in line. But then, Fordham probably had more productive methods of training that out of their children than her own haphazard upbringing. And if she hadn't felt surrounded by inept adults most of her life, perhaps she might have held more respect for authority in the first place.

As he turned the questions back on her, she went with her default reaction: an impassive shrug. But since he'd been open with her, in the next moment, she reconsidered and did offer something of a response. "Nothing and no one I want to go back to." Her father didn't want her, and the feeling was mutual. Her mother was missing, but Cole remained fairly convinced she was actually dead in a crack den somewhere. "I was in state care," she added with another shrug, to show how little it bothered her. But there was no life for her back there, save five more years of being tossed around the system before she could get her freedom at 18. Maybe even a few years earlier if she could convince the state to emancipate her, which had been her original plan. But she really had no idea what she would have done with her life at that point. Really, from where she stood now, it was hard not to see Fordham as the superior option.

She considered Jace's point about being lucky and then shrugged again. "I don't think I believe in luck anymore," she intoned quite seriously. "But I know what you mean. I don't know why it took them so long to find me." It was a bit egotistical of her, no doubt, to think they should have been looking for her sooner, but then, they had chosen her in the end. She wasn't sure if it would have been better or worse to have been found years before. It certainly would have been different, at any rate. And she wouldn't have been so far behind in her training and even just knowing the lay of the land around here.

"Maybe it's better not to know. I don't know. Anyway, I can't change it, so I guess it doesn't make a difference." No looking back, no regrets. Things were what you made of them. She tried not to think in 'what ifs' because she knew that sort of thing could easily drive a person crazy, especially when things went badly. Of course, it was the sort of philosophy that was much, much easier said than done. Of course she couldn't help but wonder, couldn't help but compare her own experiences to what she imagined other people had been through.

"I don't think I'd have wanted to be here at five though," she had to grant. That was too young. Whatever her life before this had been, as he'd pointed out, at least she'd had one. And if they'd had her since she was so small, they might have crushed that part of her that she'd always held separate and protected so carefully, since it was really the only thing she had that was truly her own. Belongings and people came and went, but she'd always have that secret, sacred part of herself.

Thoughtfully, she looked back up at him again, but sidelong rather than straight on; it tended to make her look sly, although it was really more of a defensive thing than anything. "But if you've been here that long, then you must know pretty much everything there is to know about this place..." It wasn't exactly a question, but there was room for him to confirm or deny. There were a lot of secrets around here yes, but surely nineteen years -- which seemed like a lifetime and a half to her -- was enough time to uncover them all, right? If not, she didn't like to think how long it would take her to find her footing here.